Howzatt!

Q. What do you call an Aussie cricketer with 100 by his name?
A. A bowler.

Q. What do you call an Australian who is good with the bat?
A. A vet

Q. What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Australian batsmen?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.

Q. Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

Q. What’s the Australian version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

Q: What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
A: The entire Australian innings.

Q: What is the Australian version of a hat-trick?
A: 3 runs in 3 balls

Q. Why don’t Australian fielders need pre tour travel injections?
A. Because they never catch anything.

Q. Why are Australian cricketers cleverer than Houdini?
A. Because they can get out without even trying.

Q. What do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an OXO cube?
A. Laughing stock.

The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a meeting.
They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast!

Q. What’s the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director?
A. A funeral director doesn’t keep losing the ashes.

Q. What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand?
A. Waiter.

Q. What’s the height of optimism?
A. An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.

Q. Why did the Aussie break his leg throwing a ball?
A. He forgot it was chained to his foot.

Q. What’s the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?
A. Nothing! If you blink you’ll miss them both.

Q. What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.

Q. What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
A. The entire Australian innings.


Billy was at school this morning in the outback and the teacher asked all the children what there fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Captain of industry etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father. “My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he’ll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him.”

The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.

“No” said Billy, “He plays cricket for Australia but I was just too embarrassed to say.”